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The ALS Association

Poem for My Husband

Paul R. Radcliff, Kentucky

This poem is decidated to my husband Paul who is battling Bulbar ALS. Honey when and if you decide to let go. Honey do you want to let go, or do you keep holding on for the ones that love you so! Unable to speak, unable to eat, unable to stand on your feet, unable to move any parts of your limbs locked in your body till the end! You can only move your eyes, and I see you cry. You stare so deep into my eyes, and I wonder if you are wanting to die? I know you have so much to say but now with no voice, there is no way! Paralysis has stolen your body and limbs, but it cannot steal your soul honey, it's okay to let go. The children and I will be okay cause God will take us all some day. In heaven we will be perfect. No pain, no sickness or disease and ALS will bow before Jesus' knees! Our family will be together again, and your suffering will have end. You will hug us just like you did before ALS locked you in! We have so many memories that ALS can not erase. It cannot affect your mind, so relive your memories one day at a time. You have been so brave and have endured so much pain, sickness with such intense fear and anxiety that no one can imagine what has attacked your body! You lay in bed day after day at the mercy of the caring aides! You listen to the sounds of the machines wondering if you will ever breathe again! You look around the room seeing people going about their day remembering when you used to walk that way. You shed a tear or two, but you know there's nothing you can do! You hurt inside when you see and hear your family's voice because you have so much to say, but ALS took that away! You hope deep inside that your eyes will relay the messages you cannot say! I stand by your bed and look in your face and see you trapped in a body that I cannot relate. I have fought to no end to make you better again, but ALS has a fatal trend. I pray, and I pray everyday that God will take your ALS away. It's been a year or so. I wonder if God wants you to let go? If the miracle don't come, it's not because God had none, but because you're the angel who is waiting to see His Son; just maybe your work on earth is done. When you found out you had ALS, you were afraid but not of dying, you didn't want to leave your family without a way of them surviving. But it's okay now honey you must see that your quality of life is important to me. When you feel it's time to let go remember Jesus will pave our road, and He will not let your family be without; please believe that and not die in doubt. Faith has seen you through, and faith will lead you home. If and when you are ready for that mansion above, please know that you will always be loved! There are so many why's, like why didn't we live our lives different? Why didn't we say the things to each other that we should have when we could have? Why didn't we say we love each other much more often? Why did you get ALS? Why did this all happen so fast ? Why did VA turn their backs on you? Why do we have to be so far apart? Why didn't someone listen? Why did it take me having to get Congress to get you to safety? Why was it such a fight to get for you what was right? Why did the neurologist be so cold? Why did the professionals cause you to suffer in vain? Why has it been 100 years, and ALS is still 100% fatal, and the world still has no cure and no treatment? Why are you in Minnesota, and we are still in Kentucky? Why were we in denial? Why were we so uneducated about this deadly disease called ALS? Why we didn't have a good support system? Why do people really not care? Why does it takes so much money to do the things that need to be done? Why aren't you home? The why's go on and on and on and on! Honey, we have walked a long and rough road and made lots of bad decisions, there's been times we put the blame on each other, even times when we was unforgiven, but as our love grew, we knew that there was nothing in this world that together we couldn't get through! Now when I see you totally helpless, and I know you are screaming inside, but no one hears your screams, it makes me cry! We have had lots of challenges and have conquered them all, but ALS is a fatal call. If and when you decide to let go, please know you won the battle after all. Your children and I will always know you loved us with all your soul honey; it's okay to let go. Please find a cure for ALS ! This disease has caused so many to suffer in the most hideous and horrible way. Family hearts and homes are just ripped apart due to this torturing disease! We BEG BEG you to please make this research a number one priority! There is no other disease under God's creation that is worse then the suffering of ALS!

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